Tuesday, July 26, 2011
The perfect parent
Once upon a time.... I was a perfect mother. I started out as the perfect aunt. I watched my siblings have kids and raise them. I helped them with many of the daily tasks of caring for a child and thought I knew it all. I had advice and ideas coming out of my ears!! Not only had I learned what to do from family and friends who had forged ahead of me, but I also read books!! That was the key! All the answers to parenting were in those pages and I was ready!!! I would eat the best foods during my pregnancies.... I would be glowing and energetic and wear the cutest clothes.... I would be bohemian and trendy in all things, and my kids would thrive!! I would not yell.... I would read to them daily....they would never watch tv... We would eat healthy dinners and never have fast food.... we would talk openly and be best friends. I would expose them to different foods and cultures and ideas and oh my!! I would be utterly splendid and go down in history!! I. Had. It. Figured. Out. And then..... I took the pregnancy test. The very second before that stick said "pregnant" I was at the TOP of my game. The very next second... I started to ever so slowly "forget" the mother I imagined myself to be and became something quite different.... I did not exercise daily. I didn't do yoga (which, by the way, I had never done previous to being pregnant) I drank pop. And I cried. All. The. Time. Now, almost 8 years after that first stick changed my life, we have every video Disney has made. I am still not doing yoga. And yes. I yell! I even.... dare I say?? I have spanked on occasion! But there are a few things I did hold on to. Dinners at the table (even if it does come in a box once in a while). Some form of exercise for us. Reading MOST days. Fantastic and LONG road trips to far reaches of the country. Prayers at night. And most of all.... wonderful conversations about the things that happened that day.... whether they were good or bad. Our kids are healthy, safe, and they are happy. Do I have this figured out? No! Am I an expert? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But I don't think anyone ever does... do they??
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You are doing fine! I was 17 when I had my first baby, I asked my Mom, how do I do this, she said "just like everyone else does it, you wing it, pray and play it by ear, that's how I did it", lol, it is the hardest, scariest, most frustrating and most rewarding job you will ever have! Oh, and don't forget the feelings of guilt! I tell my children all the time that they saved my life, when their father died I also wanted to die so I could be with him, but when I told my Mom my feelings she said "bull, you better not die, I DO NOT want to raise your kids, so get yourself together and do your job and raise them the best you can, it's your job and responsibility, not mine" lol, so I told myself ok, ok, I will stay alive until they are raised, well, 29 years later I am still here and now I am enjoying my grandkids! Oh, I still feel guilty once in awhile, feeling like I need to do more with the Grandkids, wishing I could help my kids more, I remember telling my Mom "I can't wait until they are all grown-up and I don't have to worry so much" she laughed so loud and said "being a mother doesn't stop when they turn 18, only thing that changes is you don't have as much control over their lives", my Mom was so right and so wise, I hope I am half the Mom she was and to think she winged it! Good luck Tracy, you are doing a great job! Vi
ReplyDeleteThanks VI! That means a lot coming from you as I know your kids and think you did an awesome job! And the guilt thing is a whole other ball of wax!
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